Anonymous – Loss and Grief

Former member: I found this little reflection in my notes from a couple of years ago and wanted to share it with you…

“Someday my children will understand that… I was grieving. “For what?”, you may ask.

It was the loss of who I was, the loss of what I had believed in, the loss of a delusion which had inspired and motivated me, the loss of my home, the only world I knew, the loss of a vision which had been handed down and which I had held close to my heart, the loss of ignorance which had hidden the painful truth, the loss of friendships, the loss of my sisters, the loss of my role as advisor and advocate, the loss of trust, the loss of simple, blind obedience, the loss of financial security, the loss of isolation which had hidden the world’s problems from view, the loss of love that would never be the same again…

Some days it feels like we’re here, at a point in time where everything makes sense and the pain is gone. Some days it feels like my children might understand why I was grieving. But I know deep down they never will and for that I’m truly grateful.”

It’s a snapshot of reflection and I’m glad I wrote it down too. It reminds me of the other women (and sometimes men) who are walking through this in different forms.

Other people can look at the outside and think you’re fine. I know my older children couldn’t (and still don’t) have any idea how hard it was for me in those early days.

My observations are that for some people the grieving process is happening for a long time while they are still in there. Others, like myself, it seemed quite sudden and almost tragic to lose so much all in a short span of time.

It’s been a wonderful journey and I’m grateful for what God has done. I’ve learned that my identity is found in Christ. I know many of the things I listed were my own perceptions, possibly not even real.

But the grief is real and there’s not many ways to avoid it because it’s the only way to let our minds heal.